You Just Don't Get It...

You just don’t get it do you?
You just don’t get how you make me feel
I open up…you shut me out
I shut you out…
You
Get
Mad
It’s like I can’t do anything right by you
All I wanted was the best for you….even if that didn’t include me
Not a night goes by that I don’t think about you
Because you were the one
YOU
You were the one that I wanted
You were the one I needed
You were the
One
I
Loved
But look where that got me?
Hopeless
Miserable
Incurable
Lonely and
Heartbroken
Why?
Because you
Degraded my soul
Corrupted my mind and
Deteriorated my heart
The pain you caused will never subside
You left me alone when I needed you the most
When I was always by your side when you needed me
But when it was your turn
The only thing you could do was turn your back on me
I feel like my faithfulness and my honesty was a waste of time and effort
Because you were out doing your thang
You left me hoping and wishing that things would be better
But they
NEVER were
Things just got worse
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t allowed you back in my life
But then I stop and think
If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be the strong person I am now
DAMN
I am strong but my heart is still weak
It still yearns for you and
You just don’t get it
HELL
Neither
Do
I

Untitled

We cant accuse others, when love fades away
For we knew from the beginning that it never agreed to stay.
Its just one of those things where the stakes are high
And sometimes its forever and sometimes its goodbye
When you love the right way you will never lose
No matter what road life may make you choose
You may end up in tears or a broken heart
But you know what you signed up for from the start
You can only give what youve got to give
And if thats not enough then you must proceed to live
Life WILL go on and broken hearts will heal
You must resume on your journey for thats the deal
Throw your heart into life and never stall
For the biggest risk is to risk nothing at all
For you see love is the only thing that we know
That can be divided but continue on slow
And life isnt long enough to lock away your heart
Just because life might have forced two people apart
We wil proceed to love and proceed to lose
We will proceed to pick and proceed to choose
And then one day we will just jeopordize it all
Take the shackles off our hearts and take apart the wall
The final time we love will be there forever
And never again will our hearts be powered to sever
We'll never have mistrust,that part will go away
Because this time the trust and love will be here to stay
But until then we must tolerate all the pain
For we only see sunshine if we make it through the rain

Bruises

Inside I'm dying
Screaming my pain
You got up, left
Placed me back on the shelf
Like a forgotten toy
Ready to be sold again
Your love left me blanketed in bruises and insanity
Bruises unseen to the human eye
Lay buried deep inside
Upon the heart that once was set to love
Now broken, not able to feel
Beaten, swollen
Bleeding with sin
My chest is pounding
My mind is shutting down
Unable to process words
Thoughts broken
All because you left
Your hand strangled my heart
Covered with bruises
Now wrapped in barbed wire
So no other can commit the same
This crime you did
This evil deed
Never to be forgiven
Your face flashing back
A clear image
Like the love notes I hold
Flames dance away the sorrows
Bidding farewell
The bruises fade
But the insanity continues to haunt
Returning each night
To torture my soul
Next time I won't be so careless
To hand away my heart to those unknown
I've already neared insanity
Anymore bruises and I'm sure to fail

You + Me= Failure

Its not you its me
Well
In this case its not me its you
Some things are just better left unsaid
But I only speak the truth
There are some things one needs to hear in order for them to see the light
In an effort to make things better...maybe just maybe you might
Many know about my attitude problem and the bitch that I can be
But what many dont know is the struggle and the pain i have been through that has shaped and molded me
You see when people dont really care they just go off of what they see not of what they know
And that my friend is what you show
A careless, self centered, egotistical individual who only cares about themselves
I have been evolving out of my shell and maybe you should as well
Ive been lied to, talked about, and stabbed in the back
When I entered this friendship I thought it was something you would lack
The lies, the backstabbing, and the dishonesty
But I hurt and bleed more because I think I lied and stabbed myself honestly
When I let you come in and take over my life
I didnt know what i was getting into right?
Im only trying to become a better person with every day that passes by
And maybe the best thing to do in order for me to grow is to say goodbye
To you, to us, to this unhealthy companionship
Youre like a virus thats come and eating me alive
And I have to kill you off of me if I want to survive
Although I know this is going to be hard
It has to be done
I have been putting it off for too long now
As others have come and gone youve stayed somehow
The deadliest part of my life eating away
Do you enjoy seeing me this way?
I know you see me trying to be a better person and trying to keep you as well
But clearly as i said before you must not give a hell
About what I do or what I stand for
You only care when it benefits you more
So what it all boils down to is that I love you...I do
But I love myself more than I do you
In order for me to grow
I have to let YOU go

What ifs...Whys...Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Thinking about the what ifs, whys, and the shoulda coulda wouldas
What if...we didnt do what we did
Why...did I take it that far?
Shoulda...waited
Coulda...waited
Woulda...waited AND IT...
Woulda...worked
Coulda...worked
Shoulda...worked
Why...didnt it work?
What if...it did work?
What if...I started acting funny?
Why...are you acting differently?
Shoulda...said no
Coulda...said no
Woulda...said no BUT I...
Woulda...been disappointed
Coulda...been disappointed
Shoulda...been disappointed
Why...am I so disappointed?
What if...disappointment wont fade?
What if...i stayed?
Why...should I?
Shoulda...known
Coulda...known
Woulda...known BUT I...
Woulda...hurt
Coulda...hurt
Shoulda...hurt
Why..does it hurt?
What if...it wont stop hurting?
All of the what ifs and the whys and the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
All of the pain, anguish, and tears
All of it
All of you
Not just YOU
But YOU too
Compounded into one, conspiring
Ripping and stomping on the most valuable piece of me
What if...I didnt give it to you?
Why...did I give it to you?
Shoulda...waited
Coulda...waited
Woulda...waited BUT I....


Didn't

Broken

I thought it safe to wear this fragile heart of mine on my sleeve.
I thought it safe to trust him to help me care for it, but instead,
He took this fragile heart of mine and dried up the flow of blood
That kept it alive, that had enabled it to love.
He left me heartless and cold, my soul now seeks vengeance.
For I took this fragile heart of mine and placed it on my sleeve
The sweet equivocation in his words lured me.

Instinct told me to be weary, but a victim of a foolish heart,
I ignored my sixth sense and did the predicatble,
I obeyed the thirst in me that yearned for him and placed my fragile heart on my sleeve.
Felt that cold chill; down my spine, as the wind echoed words of warning when in his arms I was embraced.
The sweet equivocation in his words lured me
And I fell prey to the foolish heart.
Now im broken, because I fell in Love.

John Legend - Ordinary People

I think some people forget that life is full of mistakes to be made and lessons to be learned. They are so stuck on living a perfect life that they'll let an imperfect person pass them by. We all make mistakes but the awesome thing about making mistakes is that their always a lesson to be learned. It is your choice to learn from it or repeat it. We all are just ordinary people and time is of the essence. So stop worrying about moving too fast or to slow because time waits for no one. Tomorrow is promised so tell those you care about you love them and dont let that special someone pass you by because of a few mistakes. I'd prefer a person who makes mistakes and learn from them over someone who is perfect(or thinks they are for the most part)because a person who makes mistakes has so much more experience in learning what not to do a perfect person can only imagine.

Pranks Gone Wrong!!!

Its clearly fake but makes you think nonetheless!

Lifehouse Everything Skit

Mount Zion of Nashville skit on a struggling teen who faces everyday struggle and lost her way with the Lord. Shows that no matter what you do or how long youve been gone, God is always there for you! Enjoy!

Minority College Head coaches

NCAA head football coach race/ethnicity demographics (as of August 2010)

DIVISION I Football Bowl Subdivision (FBS) (15 out of 119)

Institution Head Coach Race

University of Kansas Turner Gill African American

University of Houston Kevin Sumlin African American

University of New Mexico Mike Locksley African American

U.S. Naval Academy Ken Niumatalolo Pacific Islander

University of Miami Randy Shannon African American

Florida International Mario Cristobal Latino

Miami of Ohio Mike Haywood African American

Eastern Michigan University Ron English African American

New Mexico State University Dwayne Walker African American

University of Memphis Larry Porter African American

University of Virginia Mike London African American

Western Kentucky University Willie Taggart African American

University of Louisville Charlie Strong African American

University of Kentucky Joker Phillips African American

East Carolina Ruffin McNeill African American

DIVISION I Football Bowl Subdivision (Head Coach in Waiting)

Institution Coach Race

University of Maryland James Franklin African American

DIVISION I Football Championship Subdivision (FCS) (7 out of 101)

Institution Head Coach Race

Columbia Norries Wilson African American

Indiana State Trent Miles African American

Northern Arizona Jerome Souers American Indian

Southeast Missouri State Tony Samuel African American

Yale University Tom Williams African American

Portland State Nigel Burton African American

University of Richmond Latrell Scott African American

DIVISION II (3 out of 133)

Institution Head Coach Race

Wayne State Paul Winters African American

Stonehill College Robert Talley African American

Missouri S&T David Brown African American

DIVISION III (8 out 229)

Institution Head Coach Race

Salisbury State Sherman Wood African American

Randolph- Macon Pedro Arruza Latino

Chapman University Bob Owens African American

DePauw University Robby Long African American

Widener University Isaac Collins African American

Greenville College Ordell Walker African American

Capital University Henry Stanford African American

Williams College Aaron Kelton African American

The numbers are low....but what else can be done to strengthen our numbers and become the norm instead of the minority?

To read more: http://ncaa.org/wps/wcm/connect/public/ncaa/resources/latest+news/2010+news+stories/august+latest+news/a+numbers+game+for+minority+football+head+coaches

Little girl Preaching!

This little girl is proof that raising your children in the church and on the right principles displayed in the Bible and by God really works!

Re-introduce Christ

As a poet, this monologue really touched me! Enjoy

I have seen women lifted by love.
Countless women surrounded, fed, embraced by love.
But most recently I have met a woman condemned by love.
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
The pain from love is visible in the eyes, heart, and soul of this woman.
She who lives for love, who would die for love.
Curiosity forces me to look deep into her.

Big brown eyes tell of a man whose love was taken away as quickly as was given.
A selfish man whose compassion drowned in these eyes.
Taking advantage of the faith and forgiveness she possesses.
Tears roll down her cheeks and begin to drip from her delicate chin.
As sympathy overwhelms me I invite myself in for a better look.

A bleeding heart welcomes me to the truth behind this love.
What once was bliss has transformed.
The love that filled now forces her to starve.
An endless hunger that consumes, leaving nothing for this woman.
This man has stripped her of all that she loved including himself.
He has laughed at her sorrow and found comfort in her misery.
My heart breaks for her as she opens up to let me in.

One foot after the other I step into her soul.
My thoughts echo as I begin to connect with her sorrows.
"Stop," catches her attention as I start to reason with her.
"Do not give yourself to this man."
Confusion fills her as she wakes to catch my gaze.
"If your love/your life mean so little to you that you can just give it away, why should it mean any more to him?"
I hear these words and reality sets in.

I have met this woman in love.
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
I have seen into her eyes, felt her heartache, and visited her soul.
This muse whose sorrow connects so genuinely with mine... is ME!
I have given my life to a man who has never asked nor has he ever cared for it.
I have believed and made true all lies.
I have accepted inferiority, for how can he value me more than I value myself?

Bed by J. Holiday

My bed is lonely and the spot next to me is so cold too As I lay here alone I cant help but to dream of you Ooh now I want you so desperately I would do anything to have you here in bed next to me To feel your body cover mine Our passion raw and unconfined Your manhood stiff as I pull you near Whispering you need me in my ear I can feel you enter deep within Then my body shakes with pulsating thrills Ooh shyt deeper I beg Surrounding your waist with the length of my legs Your mouth at my throat your teeth lightly graze As I’m giving you all that your hunger craves Moving ashore like the waves of the ocean Thrusting and grinding in continuous motions My name on your lips time and again I hug you tight because you’re deep within The sound of me moaning you begin to hear This feels so good cumming too soon is becoming a fear Your body entwined with mine as over we roll Your hands holding mine as I take control Your body with mine so perfectly tuned Moaning with pleasure like wolves to the moon Slow and steady in a tormenting pace As my heart and yours continue to race The pressure is building and the time is soon Come follow me as I soar to the moon Arching against you in ecstasy’s name As an orgasm takes sex to a whole new plane Your body with mine melting like butter As we collide together with climatic shudder I look in your eyes and you pull me close and give me a hug And I know exactly what you’re thinking of With a devilish smile I kiss your lips As you harden beneath my fingertips You know the night is young and full of romance As we enter once more into ecstasy’s dance

Peoples Court by Jay-Z

Damn….
I wish things were different…
I wish I hadn’t seen you that day when you walked into that room
I wish I hadn’t became your friend
I wish I hadn’t gotten into the car with you that day
I wish I hadn’t went to your house
I wish I hadn’t said what I said
And maybe….just maybe
We wouldn’t be here
To the point of no return
Do we go on as we are doing what we do?
Or do we move on….progress
Make this….a that
Make something good…better
This is different somehow
Different in a good and bad way
Different because when I’m alone with you….
I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts to beat a lil faster knowing that you’re near
When you touch me….
I get this tingling sensation up and down my spine that goes through my body and reaches my toes
When we are in a room full of people….
I find a clever way to sneak a peek at you when no one is noticing….not even you
When we joke and flirt in public I wonder do you know that I’m serious
I wonder if you are serious too
But
You’re
Different
God knows that I love everything about you
I never thought I could like someone like you
Damn…what have I gotten myself into?
The point of no return
But I like it!
The risk….the adventure….us hiding out…just to be together
But do you really think “this” can be “that?”
“This” behind peoples backs into “That” out in the public
Hasn’t been long….not long at all but I get this vibe between us
And I know you feel it too
I just don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to go about this with you
I don’t know how to say it to your face
So hopefully you will read this and know that you’re the defendant in this case
You’re on trial for a victimless crime
For reeling me in but not having enough time
But there is no plaintiff….no victim to testify
Against you
Because all I would do…..
For you….
Is lie.

Its So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday by Boyz II Men

Its not you its me
Well
In this case its not me its you
Some things are just better left unsaid
But I only speak the truth
There are some things one needs to hear in order for them to see the light
In an effort to make things better...maybe just maybe you might
Many know about my attitude problem and the bitch that I can be
But what many dont know is the struggle and the pain i have been through that has shaped and molded me
You see when people dont really care they just go off of what they see not of what they know
And that my friend is what you show
A careless, self centered, egotistical individual who only cares about themselves
I have been evolving out of my shell and maybe you should as well
Ive been lied to, talked about, and stabbed in the back
When I entered this friendship I thought it was something you would lack
The lies, the backstabbing, and the dishonesty
But I hurt and bleed more because I think I lied and stabbed myself honestly
When I let you come in and take over my life
I didnt know what i was getting into right?
Im only trying to become a better person with every day that passes by
And maybe the best thing to do in order for me to grow is to say goodbye
To you, to us, to this unhealthy companionship
Youre like a virus thats come and eating me alive
And I have to kill you off of me if I want to survive
Although I know this is going to be hard
It has to be done
I have been putting it off for too long now
As others have come and gone youve stayed somehow
The deadliest part of my life eating away
Do you enjoy seeing me this way?
I know you see me trying to be a better person and trying to keep you as well
But clearly as i said before you must not give a hell
About what I do or what I stand for
You only care when it benefits you more
So what it all boils down to is that I love you...I do
But I love myself more than I do you
In order for me to grow
I have to let YOU go

Gone by N'Sync

Why is it so hard for a nigga to open up
But its never hard when you want us to "open up"
Our legs that is
Its always smooth sailing and sweet talk when it comes to that
But its always pulling teeth and stepping on toes when it comes to that other crap
Or so you call it
Everything but your mouth says that you want me
Actually I take that back because when you with your boys and your other"friends" you act completely differently
Sometimes I dont know why you do the things that you do or say the things that you say
But put it this way
Im a woman
A strong woman
A strong black woman
And you my dear are privileged to be apart of my world
But yet you take what I give for granted
When you dont deserve it in the first place
But its ok
Because one day you will realize what you had
And by then you better pray it wont be too late
Because there are plenty of other guys who would love to live the life you live
And plenty of other guys who deserve what I give
And because Im feeling you now doesnt mean that will always be
Because as of now...your actions and your words are speaking contradictively
Yea I want you and I thought this could be something
Something more than a physical attraction
But as the time goes by I feel Im more of a distraction
If you actually sat down and listened to what I said and paid attention to what I do
You'd realize that I actually care for you
Yea we joke and we play and thats all fine
But sometimes its nice to hear whats really on your mind
Im not afraid to say"I like you and I want to take this to the next level" when that time comes
But I wont put my heart on the table and be all by my lonesome
I REFUSE to be the sucker and be the only one falling
And if you dont get your act right other niggas will be calling
Im a grown woman and dont have time for games
And if you lose me, you'll be the one to blame
All I ask is that you be real and stop pulling my chain
Or else before you know it, I'll be gone and you'll be left in the rain
ALONE

Question Existing by Rihanna

Looks in the mirror and sees…
Imperfection
Insecurities
Loneliness
Hidden behind the smile she forces herself to put on
When?
Every morning
Every day
Every time
Why?
She’s tough, she can handle her own, she got it
Who?
No one
Behind her smile lies a mask full of darkness and emptiness
That she tries to rip off
But when it seems like its finally coming off
It plasters itself back on
Family, friends, and lovers have all come and gone
Leaving a trail of broken promises and useless words
Leaving this destitute and uninhabited girl to plea for herself
Where?
In a world that only cares for itself
At a place no one lends a helping hand but her
But can she really lend her own hand to save herself?
What?
Can she do but apologize to those she has hurt
And forgive the ones who have brought her pain
Then maybe…just maybe
How?
By accepting what was given to her by the Almighty Lord Himself
Because everything happens for a reason
But what’s reasoning if there’s no cause behind it
Cause and effect
The Effect?
A broken girl trying to find her way
A girl becoming a woman
The Cause?
Yet to be determined

He's Just Not The Into You

So I just finished watching this movie and it gave some really good insight especially what I'm going through right now. And the signs say everything...he's just that into me...sad to say. But should I really listen to a movie? he doesn't call like he says he would..the movie says he's not into me and doesn't want to call, but maybe he's just busy and can't. You know how you always have faith in someone because it may feel so right but nothing comes together and it ends up all wrong? i just want to continue to have faith but i don't want to end up looking stupid. I know he cares. he says theres potential but im losing motivation and hope. I dont want to give up on him because who knows he could be the "one"...ha! But what if he isnt and I invested my energy in trying to make something impossible happen. The movie says if he wanted something to happen between the two of you he would make it happen...but i dont see anything happening...there is a lack of effort and Im quite tired of it. Call me spoiled...Im just so use to getting attention and having guys show me their affection and I get NOTHING out of him and its sooo tiring to try and try and try and get NOTHING. Its so heartbreaking to text someone or call them and not get any response back. Its so heartbreaking to just see your boo around instead of actually chilling with them or hanging with them. I told him that last night.."See you around" and he got upset. he said it was like saying fuck him...but in essence thats all I do is see him around. We have never been on a date...we chilled a few times but I just happen to see him around majority of the time...is he even my boo? Maybe he isnt that into me and I was just ignoring the signs. Maybe I just need to give up all hope. Maybe Im over analyzing things and he will come around...or maybe he wont. Who knows...but I do know Im tired and losing energy to keep trying....I just want my one exception...

Change Me by Keri Hilson

I LOVE me!! I love the flaws, the good, the bad, and the ugly! I know I am a good person but I also know I need to change some things about me and I am working on it. I have some minor set backs sometimes when people get under my skin but I have learned to deal with them in a better way now. I write to vent and to get things off of my mind which is why I created a blog in the first place. Its not meant for all to read but if you do then that is entirely on you just dont get offended by what you read. I care about a lot of people who dont care about me. Even some people who I dont like i still care about and want nothing but the best for them. There are alot of situations I could have handled better and maybe the outcome would have been better but you learn from everything you do and from mistake you make. I am growing to be a better person. Everyone has their flaws and no one is perfect. Some people dont accept me for my flaws and you know what? That is completely fine with me. I have those in my life who do accept and love me for me, flaws and all and whose there for me while I am going through my changes. I couldnt be more blessed then I am right now because I can truly look at life for what it is now. Some people had to go and some things had to be said in order for me realize that. I started a list of people who I needed to talk to individually and maybe apologize to them or just talk and see why things turned out the way they did. I have added some names to that and deleted some as well but I think I need to start doing it again. Its a hard step realizing when you are wrong or being the bigger person but its all apart of becoming a better person and growing up! I am fully aware of every flaw I have so it doesnt hurt or hinder me when someone else says it. Its just a reassurance that I am getting somewhere. So if youre on this list I have made be looking out for a phone call, a text message, or for me to stop you when I see you. I need to do this not because I want to say I am better person but because I am a changed person! I have forgiven all those that have forsaken me and hopefully all those that I have forsaken will do the same!