Thursday, June 2, 2011

You Just Don't Get It...

You just don’t get it do you?
You just don’t get how you make me feel
I open up…you shut me out
I shut you out…
You
Get
Mad
It’s like I can’t do anything right by you
All I wanted was the best for you….even if that didn’t include me
Not a night goes by that I don’t think about you
Because you were the one
YOU
You were the one that I wanted
You were the one I needed
You were the
One
I
Loved
But look where that got me?
Hopeless
Miserable
Incurable
Lonely and
Heartbroken
Why?
Because you
Degraded my soul
Corrupted my mind and
Deteriorated my heart
The pain you caused will never subside
You left me alone when I needed you the most
When I was always by your side when you needed me
But when it was your turn
The only thing you could do was turn your back on me
I feel like my faithfulness and my honesty was a waste of time and effort
Because you were out doing your thang
You left me hoping and wishing that things would be better
But they
NEVER were
Things just got worse
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t allowed you back in my life
But then I stop and think
If I hadn’t then I wouldn’t be the strong person I am now
DAMN
I am strong but my heart is still weak
It still yearns for you and
You just don’t get it
HELL
Neither
Do
I

Untitled

We cant accuse others, when love fades away
For we knew from the beginning that it never agreed to stay.
Its just one of those things where the stakes are high
And sometimes its forever and sometimes its goodbye
When you love the right way you will never lose
No matter what road life may make you choose
You may end up in tears or a broken heart
But you know what you signed up for from the start
You can only give what youve got to give
And if thats not enough then you must proceed to live
Life WILL go on and broken hearts will heal
You must resume on your journey for thats the deal
Throw your heart into life and never stall
For the biggest risk is to risk nothing at all
For you see love is the only thing that we know
That can be divided but continue on slow
And life isnt long enough to lock away your heart
Just because life might have forced two people apart
We wil proceed to love and proceed to lose
We will proceed to pick and proceed to choose
And then one day we will just jeopordize it all
Take the shackles off our hearts and take apart the wall
The final time we love will be there forever
And never again will our hearts be powered to sever
We'll never have mistrust,that part will go away
Because this time the trust and love will be here to stay
But until then we must tolerate all the pain
For we only see sunshine if we make it through the rain

Bruises

Inside I'm dying
Screaming my pain
You got up, left
Placed me back on the shelf
Like a forgotten toy
Ready to be sold again
Your love left me blanketed in bruises and insanity
Bruises unseen to the human eye
Lay buried deep inside
Upon the heart that once was set to love
Now broken, not able to feel
Beaten, swollen
Bleeding with sin
My chest is pounding
My mind is shutting down
Unable to process words
Thoughts broken
All because you left
Your hand strangled my heart
Covered with bruises
Now wrapped in barbed wire
So no other can commit the same
This crime you did
This evil deed
Never to be forgiven
Your face flashing back
A clear image
Like the love notes I hold
Flames dance away the sorrows
Bidding farewell
The bruises fade
But the insanity continues to haunt
Returning each night
To torture my soul
Next time I won't be so careless
To hand away my heart to those unknown
I've already neared insanity
Anymore bruises and I'm sure to fail

You + Me= Failure

Its not you its me
Well
In this case its not me its you
Some things are just better left unsaid
But I only speak the truth
There are some things one needs to hear in order for them to see the light
In an effort to make things better...maybe just maybe you might
Many know about my attitude problem and the bitch that I can be
But what many dont know is the struggle and the pain i have been through that has shaped and molded me
You see when people dont really care they just go off of what they see not of what they know
And that my friend is what you show
A careless, self centered, egotistical individual who only cares about themselves
I have been evolving out of my shell and maybe you should as well
Ive been lied to, talked about, and stabbed in the back
When I entered this friendship I thought it was something you would lack
The lies, the backstabbing, and the dishonesty
But I hurt and bleed more because I think I lied and stabbed myself honestly
When I let you come in and take over my life
I didnt know what i was getting into right?
Im only trying to become a better person with every day that passes by
And maybe the best thing to do in order for me to grow is to say goodbye
To you, to us, to this unhealthy companionship
Youre like a virus thats come and eating me alive
And I have to kill you off of me if I want to survive
Although I know this is going to be hard
It has to be done
I have been putting it off for too long now
As others have come and gone youve stayed somehow
The deadliest part of my life eating away
Do you enjoy seeing me this way?
I know you see me trying to be a better person and trying to keep you as well
But clearly as i said before you must not give a hell
About what I do or what I stand for
You only care when it benefits you more
So what it all boils down to is that I love you...I do
But I love myself more than I do you
In order for me to grow
I have to let YOU go

What ifs...Whys...Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

Thinking about the what ifs, whys, and the shoulda coulda wouldas
What if...we didnt do what we did
Why...did I take it that far?
Shoulda...waited
Coulda...waited
Woulda...waited AND IT...
Woulda...worked
Coulda...worked
Shoulda...worked
Why...didnt it work?
What if...it did work?
What if...I started acting funny?
Why...are you acting differently?
Shoulda...said no
Coulda...said no
Woulda...said no BUT I...
Woulda...been disappointed
Coulda...been disappointed
Shoulda...been disappointed
Why...am I so disappointed?
What if...disappointment wont fade?
What if...i stayed?
Why...should I?
Shoulda...known
Coulda...known
Woulda...known BUT I...
Woulda...hurt
Coulda...hurt
Shoulda...hurt
Why..does it hurt?
What if...it wont stop hurting?
All of the what ifs and the whys and the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
All of the pain, anguish, and tears
All of it
All of you
Not just YOU
But YOU too
Compounded into one, conspiring
Ripping and stomping on the most valuable piece of me
What if...I didnt give it to you?
Why...did I give it to you?
Shoulda...waited
Coulda...waited
Woulda...waited BUT I....


Didn't

Broken

I thought it safe to wear this fragile heart of mine on my sleeve.
I thought it safe to trust him to help me care for it, but instead,
He took this fragile heart of mine and dried up the flow of blood
That kept it alive, that had enabled it to love.
He left me heartless and cold, my soul now seeks vengeance.
For I took this fragile heart of mine and placed it on my sleeve
The sweet equivocation in his words lured me.

Instinct told me to be weary, but a victim of a foolish heart,
I ignored my sixth sense and did the predicatble,
I obeyed the thirst in me that yearned for him and placed my fragile heart on my sleeve.
Felt that cold chill; down my spine, as the wind echoed words of warning when in his arms I was embraced.
The sweet equivocation in his words lured me
And I fell prey to the foolish heart.
Now im broken, because I fell in Love.

Friday, March 25, 2011

John Legend - Ordinary People



I think some people forget that life is full of mistakes to be made and lessons to be learned. They are so stuck on living a perfect life that they'll let an imperfect person pass them by. We all make mistakes but the awesome thing about making mistakes is that their always a lesson to be learned. It is your choice to learn from it or repeat it. We all are just ordinary people and time is of the essence. So stop worrying about moving too fast or to slow because time waits for no one. Tomorrow is promised so tell those you care about you love them and dont let that special someone pass you by because of a few mistakes. I'd prefer a person who makes mistakes and learn from them over someone who is perfect(or thinks they are for the most part)because a person who makes mistakes has so much more experience in learning what not to do a perfect person can only imagine.