Bed by J. Holiday

My bed is lonely and the spot next to me is so cold too As I lay here alone I cant help but to dream of you Ooh now I want you so desperately I would do anything to have you here in bed next to me To feel your body cover mine Our passion raw and unconfined Your manhood stiff as I pull you near Whispering you need me in my ear I can feel you enter deep within Then my body shakes with pulsating thrills Ooh shyt deeper I beg Surrounding your waist with the length of my legs Your mouth at my throat your teeth lightly graze As I’m giving you all that your hunger craves Moving ashore like the waves of the ocean Thrusting and grinding in continuous motions My name on your lips time and again I hug you tight because you’re deep within The sound of me moaning you begin to hear This feels so good cumming too soon is becoming a fear Your body entwined with mine as over we roll Your hands holding mine as I take control Your body with mine so perfectly tuned Moaning with pleasure like wolves to the moon Slow and steady in a tormenting pace As my heart and yours continue to race The pressure is building and the time is soon Come follow me as I soar to the moon Arching against you in ecstasy’s name As an orgasm takes sex to a whole new plane Your body with mine melting like butter As we collide together with climatic shudder I look in your eyes and you pull me close and give me a hug And I know exactly what you’re thinking of With a devilish smile I kiss your lips As you harden beneath my fingertips You know the night is young and full of romance As we enter once more into ecstasy’s dance

Peoples Court by Jay-Z

Damn….
I wish things were different…
I wish I hadn’t seen you that day when you walked into that room
I wish I hadn’t became your friend
I wish I hadn’t gotten into the car with you that day
I wish I hadn’t went to your house
I wish I hadn’t said what I said
And maybe….just maybe
We wouldn’t be here
To the point of no return
Do we go on as we are doing what we do?
Or do we move on….progress
Make this….a that
Make something good…better
This is different somehow
Different in a good and bad way
Different because when I’m alone with you….
I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts to beat a lil faster knowing that you’re near
When you touch me….
I get this tingling sensation up and down my spine that goes through my body and reaches my toes
When we are in a room full of people….
I find a clever way to sneak a peek at you when no one is noticing….not even you
When we joke and flirt in public I wonder do you know that I’m serious
I wonder if you are serious too
But
You’re
Different
God knows that I love everything about you
I never thought I could like someone like you
Damn…what have I gotten myself into?
The point of no return
But I like it!
The risk….the adventure….us hiding out…just to be together
But do you really think “this” can be “that?”
“This” behind peoples backs into “That” out in the public
Hasn’t been long….not long at all but I get this vibe between us
And I know you feel it too
I just don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to go about this with you
I don’t know how to say it to your face
So hopefully you will read this and know that you’re the defendant in this case
You’re on trial for a victimless crime
For reeling me in but not having enough time
But there is no plaintiff….no victim to testify
Against you
Because all I would do…..
For you….
Is lie.

Its So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday by Boyz II Men

Its not you its me
Well
In this case its not me its you
Some things are just better left unsaid
But I only speak the truth
There are some things one needs to hear in order for them to see the light
In an effort to make things better...maybe just maybe you might
Many know about my attitude problem and the bitch that I can be
But what many dont know is the struggle and the pain i have been through that has shaped and molded me
You see when people dont really care they just go off of what they see not of what they know
And that my friend is what you show
A careless, self centered, egotistical individual who only cares about themselves
I have been evolving out of my shell and maybe you should as well
Ive been lied to, talked about, and stabbed in the back
When I entered this friendship I thought it was something you would lack
The lies, the backstabbing, and the dishonesty
But I hurt and bleed more because I think I lied and stabbed myself honestly
When I let you come in and take over my life
I didnt know what i was getting into right?
Im only trying to become a better person with every day that passes by
And maybe the best thing to do in order for me to grow is to say goodbye
To you, to us, to this unhealthy companionship
Youre like a virus thats come and eating me alive
And I have to kill you off of me if I want to survive
Although I know this is going to be hard
It has to be done
I have been putting it off for too long now
As others have come and gone youve stayed somehow
The deadliest part of my life eating away
Do you enjoy seeing me this way?
I know you see me trying to be a better person and trying to keep you as well
But clearly as i said before you must not give a hell
About what I do or what I stand for
You only care when it benefits you more
So what it all boils down to is that I love you...I do
But I love myself more than I do you
In order for me to grow
I have to let YOU go

Gone by N'Sync

Why is it so hard for a nigga to open up
But its never hard when you want us to "open up"
Our legs that is
Its always smooth sailing and sweet talk when it comes to that
But its always pulling teeth and stepping on toes when it comes to that other crap
Or so you call it
Everything but your mouth says that you want me
Actually I take that back because when you with your boys and your other"friends" you act completely differently
Sometimes I dont know why you do the things that you do or say the things that you say
But put it this way
Im a woman
A strong woman
A strong black woman
And you my dear are privileged to be apart of my world
But yet you take what I give for granted
When you dont deserve it in the first place
But its ok
Because one day you will realize what you had
And by then you better pray it wont be too late
Because there are plenty of other guys who would love to live the life you live
And plenty of other guys who deserve what I give
And because Im feeling you now doesnt mean that will always be
Because as of now...your actions and your words are speaking contradictively
Yea I want you and I thought this could be something
Something more than a physical attraction
But as the time goes by I feel Im more of a distraction
If you actually sat down and listened to what I said and paid attention to what I do
You'd realize that I actually care for you
Yea we joke and we play and thats all fine
But sometimes its nice to hear whats really on your mind
Im not afraid to say"I like you and I want to take this to the next level" when that time comes
But I wont put my heart on the table and be all by my lonesome
I REFUSE to be the sucker and be the only one falling
And if you dont get your act right other niggas will be calling
Im a grown woman and dont have time for games
And if you lose me, you'll be the one to blame
All I ask is that you be real and stop pulling my chain
Or else before you know it, I'll be gone and you'll be left in the rain
ALONE

Question Existing by Rihanna

Looks in the mirror and sees…
Imperfection
Insecurities
Loneliness
Hidden behind the smile she forces herself to put on
When?
Every morning
Every day
Every time
Why?
She’s tough, she can handle her own, she got it
Who?
No one
Behind her smile lies a mask full of darkness and emptiness
That she tries to rip off
But when it seems like its finally coming off
It plasters itself back on
Family, friends, and lovers have all come and gone
Leaving a trail of broken promises and useless words
Leaving this destitute and uninhabited girl to plea for herself
Where?
In a world that only cares for itself
At a place no one lends a helping hand but her
But can she really lend her own hand to save herself?
What?
Can she do but apologize to those she has hurt
And forgive the ones who have brought her pain
Then maybe…just maybe
How?
By accepting what was given to her by the Almighty Lord Himself
Because everything happens for a reason
But what’s reasoning if there’s no cause behind it
Cause and effect
The Effect?
A broken girl trying to find her way
A girl becoming a woman
The Cause?
Yet to be determined

He's Just Not The Into You

So I just finished watching this movie and it gave some really good insight especially what I'm going through right now. And the signs say everything...he's just that into me...sad to say. But should I really listen to a movie? he doesn't call like he says he would..the movie says he's not into me and doesn't want to call, but maybe he's just busy and can't. You know how you always have faith in someone because it may feel so right but nothing comes together and it ends up all wrong? i just want to continue to have faith but i don't want to end up looking stupid. I know he cares. he says theres potential but im losing motivation and hope. I dont want to give up on him because who knows he could be the "one"...ha! But what if he isnt and I invested my energy in trying to make something impossible happen. The movie says if he wanted something to happen between the two of you he would make it happen...but i dont see anything happening...there is a lack of effort and Im quite tired of it. Call me spoiled...Im just so use to getting attention and having guys show me their affection and I get NOTHING out of him and its sooo tiring to try and try and try and get NOTHING. Its so heartbreaking to text someone or call them and not get any response back. Its so heartbreaking to just see your boo around instead of actually chilling with them or hanging with them. I told him that last night.."See you around" and he got upset. he said it was like saying fuck him...but in essence thats all I do is see him around. We have never been on a date...we chilled a few times but I just happen to see him around majority of the time...is he even my boo? Maybe he isnt that into me and I was just ignoring the signs. Maybe I just need to give up all hope. Maybe Im over analyzing things and he will come around...or maybe he wont. Who knows...but I do know Im tired and losing energy to keep trying....I just want my one exception...

Change Me by Keri Hilson

I LOVE me!! I love the flaws, the good, the bad, and the ugly! I know I am a good person but I also know I need to change some things about me and I am working on it. I have some minor set backs sometimes when people get under my skin but I have learned to deal with them in a better way now. I write to vent and to get things off of my mind which is why I created a blog in the first place. Its not meant for all to read but if you do then that is entirely on you just dont get offended by what you read. I care about a lot of people who dont care about me. Even some people who I dont like i still care about and want nothing but the best for them. There are alot of situations I could have handled better and maybe the outcome would have been better but you learn from everything you do and from mistake you make. I am growing to be a better person. Everyone has their flaws and no one is perfect. Some people dont accept me for my flaws and you know what? That is completely fine with me. I have those in my life who do accept and love me for me, flaws and all and whose there for me while I am going through my changes. I couldnt be more blessed then I am right now because I can truly look at life for what it is now. Some people had to go and some things had to be said in order for me realize that. I started a list of people who I needed to talk to individually and maybe apologize to them or just talk and see why things turned out the way they did. I have added some names to that and deleted some as well but I think I need to start doing it again. Its a hard step realizing when you are wrong or being the bigger person but its all apart of becoming a better person and growing up! I am fully aware of every flaw I have so it doesnt hurt or hinder me when someone else says it. Its just a reassurance that I am getting somewhere. So if youre on this list I have made be looking out for a phone call, a text message, or for me to stop you when I see you. I need to do this not because I want to say I am better person but because I am a changed person! I have forgiven all those that have forsaken me and hopefully all those that I have forsaken will do the same!

Realization

Last night the Kollage girls had our first mani/pedi friday! As we were sitting there having a good ole time and telling stories and such, I came to a realization. That these beautiful and intelligent women are my sisters. These women some who ive been closer than others are still my sisters and will always and forever remain my sisters. I came to a realization that I dont have any friends. I think this is because I let one person ruin that for me. I was so focused on pleasing someone else and being like something that I wasnt and in the end I ended up with less than what I started with. If i could take back everything and start all over, I would. i would do everything differently. I wouldnt be such a bitch or have such a bad attitude problem. Honestly, that wasnt me. That was me trying to prove something. Me trying to be something i wasnt and I realize now that if I was just me then I would be happier. I would have friends and not feel like im alone all the time. Even when I had friends i felt like I was alone but that was because I wasnt me. Its hard coming to realizations and having to admit them but sometimes it takes for one to look at where theyve come from to make where theyre going better. Hopefully this summer I can make new friends and mend old friendships. Hopefully my new friends will see me as me and my old friends will realize my change...

Misunderstanding

I feel like everyone in their lifetime has been or will be misunderstood. If not then you arent great! LOL. But in all honesty, I had to realize that being misunderstood isnt a bad thing at all. Doesnt mean something is wrong with you. It just simply means that your opinion or point of view wasnt viewed the same way as the next person. Many people misunderstand people for the wrong reasons however. Dont misunderstand me because you "think" you know something about me and in all actuality you dont. Dont misunderstand me because I walk, talk, and look a certain way that isnt comparable to your style. They only misunderstanding we should have is through conversation. If you have never had a conversation with me worth something, you have no place misunderstanding me and if you have had a conversation with me and you didnt understand something and you didnt ask questions then, you still dont have any place misunderstanding me. Questions are meant to be asked to be answered. If you dont ask, you wont get an answer. That simple! Life is simple. People make it harder than it needs to be. Many people dont understand me and that is fine. I wasnt meant to be understood. I am a puzzle, piecing together all of my pieces one day at a time. If I dont completely understand myself, I dont expect anyone else to. People mistakenly misunderstand me for things I am not. Assumption is whats wrong with the world today especially the black community. We always assume but never ask! Mistakenly misunderstood...thats me!