Change Me by Keri Hilson

I LOVE me!! I love the flaws, the good, the bad, and the ugly! I know I am a good person but I also know I need to change some things about me and I am working on it. I have some minor set backs sometimes when people get under my skin but I have learned to deal with them in a better way now. I write to vent and to get things off of my mind which is why I created a blog in the first place. Its not meant for all to read but if you do then that is entirely on you just dont get offended by what you read. I care about a lot of people who dont care about me. Even some people who I dont like i still care about and want nothing but the best for them. There are alot of situations I could have handled better and maybe the outcome would have been better but you learn from everything you do and from mistake you make. I am growing to be a better person. Everyone has their flaws and no one is perfect. Some people dont accept me for my flaws and you know what? That is completely fine with me. I have those in my life who do accept and love me for me, flaws and all and whose there for me while I am going through my changes. I couldnt be more blessed then I am right now because I can truly look at life for what it is now. Some people had to go and some things had to be said in order for me realize that. I started a list of people who I needed to talk to individually and maybe apologize to them or just talk and see why things turned out the way they did. I have added some names to that and deleted some as well but I think I need to start doing it again. Its a hard step realizing when you are wrong or being the bigger person but its all apart of becoming a better person and growing up! I am fully aware of every flaw I have so it doesnt hurt or hinder me when someone else says it. Its just a reassurance that I am getting somewhere. So if youre on this list I have made be looking out for a phone call, a text message, or for me to stop you when I see you. I need to do this not because I want to say I am better person but because I am a changed person! I have forgiven all those that have forsaken me and hopefully all those that I have forsaken will do the same!

Realization

Last night the Kollage girls had our first mani/pedi friday! As we were sitting there having a good ole time and telling stories and such, I came to a realization. That these beautiful and intelligent women are my sisters. These women some who ive been closer than others are still my sisters and will always and forever remain my sisters. I came to a realization that I dont have any friends. I think this is because I let one person ruin that for me. I was so focused on pleasing someone else and being like something that I wasnt and in the end I ended up with less than what I started with. If i could take back everything and start all over, I would. i would do everything differently. I wouldnt be such a bitch or have such a bad attitude problem. Honestly, that wasnt me. That was me trying to prove something. Me trying to be something i wasnt and I realize now that if I was just me then I would be happier. I would have friends and not feel like im alone all the time. Even when I had friends i felt like I was alone but that was because I wasnt me. Its hard coming to realizations and having to admit them but sometimes it takes for one to look at where theyve come from to make where theyre going better. Hopefully this summer I can make new friends and mend old friendships. Hopefully my new friends will see me as me and my old friends will realize my change...